Moods can be hard to manage for anyone. They can be especially hard when you’re diagnosed as bipolar, which is a disorder generally characterized by cyclical highs and lows. Type 1 consists of severe mood episodes, from mania to depression. Type 2 also consists of severe depressive episodes, but the mania tends to be milder and/or shorter-lasting. I have bipolar type 2. Now add being diagnosed with ASD. If you think that sounds complicated, you’d be right. I’ve had a lot of people ask me what it means to be both on the spectrum and bipolar, but I don’t think I can answer that question. My experiences with the two are not separate, and it can be hard to distinguish which moods and behaviors are stemming from where.
What’s particularly difficult for me is understanding my emotions. It can be hard for me to figure out why I feel anxious, or if the feeling is even anxiety in the first place. Sometimes I just feel uncomfortable; uncomfortable with what? I have no idea. That’s the whole problem. Emotions tend to come and go too quickly for me to be able to make sense of them.
Aside from pursuing therapy and other mental health services, I had to develop tools to at least scrape the surface in understanding how I’m feeling so that I don’t get too overwhelmed. It wasn’t easy to start, but something that helped me was journaling. Even without bipolar, it’s a great thing to be able to put your thoughts and feelings into words. Not only does it help with self-clarity, but it’s also a great practice in communication. Part of bonding with other people involves a vulnerability and transparency of emotions, which can be hard if you’re lost on how to articulate the things you feel and think. The journaling is ultimately for yourself, but the real world tools it creates are invaluable.
~Anonymous Writer
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