The world is a constant myriad of noises, an endless collection of different spaces with different faces. With no intrinsic sensory filter that allows me to selectively pay attention to certain stimuli, everything can become very overwhelming. Being on the spectrum, I need a way to release all of the energy being relentlessly fed into my senses. I chew on my hoodie string, my guitar pick, my pen cap. Anything that I can bite on, I will. I bounce my leg up and down and despite annoying everyone around me, I can’t control it. If I don’t shake my leg, it feels like something horribly bad will happen. My brain starts feeling like it’s overheating, and I need to vent it out in the form of physical tics to avoid imploding.
Stimming is not always a result of nerves, though -- I do it when I’m happy, too. Happiness is a strong emotion that needs to be vented somehow as well. When I listen to music, I can’t help but close my eyes and shake my head in various directions. Staying still feels like a disservice to the music and a disservice to myself. Others may not always find it easy to understand why these actions are so crucial to surviving as an individual on the spectrum, but stimming is a part of how we interact and engage with our environment, as well as a tool for handling overwhelming situations without a meltdown.
I used to try to hide it, but not anymore. There’s no shame in engaging with the world in a different way than others. We all have our own personal ways of processing strong emotions, and there is no objective right or wrong. It’s especially important for those of us on the spectrum to listen to and respect our senses and what our bodies are viscerally telling us, so that we can engage with the world in the most meaningful way.
~Anonymous
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