I never thought about the way I positioned my hands and arms until I was in college and more consistently around others. Different stims came out that I had been able to mask in the anonymity of my large high school. It wasn’t something I noted as neurodivergent until I received feedback from a professor at college who deducted points from my presentation because of the way I was holding my arms. There were so many things I wish I could have told him, had I had the language for it at the time.
I wish I could have told him that I wasn’t trying to be informal but rather self-regulating, as a presentation was something already out of my comfort zone. I wish I could have told him that it was comfortable, that my arms and hands fell in those unusual positions naturally. I would tense my arms and hold them up while bending my wrists back or forward, a position affectionately referred to in the neurodivergent community as “T-rex arms”. It’s a form of stimming for me, as I imagine it is for many of us. I can’t claim to understand why, but I do know that that kind of stimming gives me a way to self-soothe, which is especially important in stressful situations. Sometimes it’s a stim out of happiness, other times it’s a stim out of stress. Regardless, it makes me feel better. Having that experience once again made me realize how important it is to advocate for yourself and to not be ashamed of doing things differently.
~Anonymous Writer
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